Sometimes, when you least expect it, something extraordinary happens in your life. It happens when you are not looking for it, when you, in fact, have your eyes resting squarely on another target. Then, it hits you. And days, weeks, or months later, you wonder how you ever lived without it.
I’m reminded of the day my whole life changed. I was sitting in a hotel ballroom eating a chicken lunch when something momentous happened! I adopted, “Life Rule #1: AND over BUT.” It was during a presentation by Comedy Sportz Houston on how to increase effective communication in the workplace. Sounds boring but let me tell you it was not! After a brief introduction, we began playing improvisation games.
The game that inspired Life Rule #1 is called "Yes, and.."
“In ‘Yes and’ the players are constantly saying, ‘yes and.’ The mechanism goes something like this. One player may start off with, ‘Your coat is so lovely.’ The response of the other player could be, ‘YES AND I made it for you.’ The other player responds, ‘YES AND I have a thousand dollars for it.’ ‘YES, AND I am going to use that money to make a hundred more coats for you.’ The players must always have the ‘yes and’ at the beginning of their sentence.”
Using AND allows you to remain open to possibilities and ideas. On the other hand, BUT "negates or cancels everything that goes before it. And is generally accepted as a signal that the important part of the sentence is coming up. So, when you use it your listener will give more attention and more weight to what you say after you say “BUT."
For the same example above with the coat compliment, we can radically change the message with “Yes, but.” The player can say, “Yes, but it’s very itchy,” and the first player might respond: “Yes, but if fits you perfectly.” Then the response could be “Yes, but it belongs to my sister, and I am paranoid I will get it dirty.”
Try rule #1 (AND over BUT) for a week, and tell me what you think. Let’s play! When did you say “yes, and,” or “yes, but,” and what happened?